2021 Was Great

They say if you write it down, it will happen. It’s science. Maybe.

For me, this is NOT the year for goal setting. My goal is to survive. That’s IT. It’s being carried over from 2020, so I don’t have to do much more work. If 2020 taught us anything, it taught us EVERYTHING (if you were at least half conscious). I love seeing that question posed: What did 2020 teach you?!

B***?! What DIDN’T IT?

I learned that I wasn’t present.

That I actually love driving.

But also hate it.

I learned that I’m actually the devil.

I learned that I hate the advertising industry, yet recognize that it’s a necessary evil (pls cast me).

I learned that I don’t worry about things that should probably worry me.

But I worry about everything else.

That your energy goes wherever your focus stays.

That the mind is so f***ing powerful.

But has the ability to change.

Always.

I learned that nothing, absolutely nothing, is forever.

And sometimes that is the most comforting thing.

About 5 minutes before the sea gulls unleashed their wrath

And to believe that, sometimes, I felt like I barely did anything at all.

I have found that one of the most useful tools in combatting high levels of anxiety is LEARNING. Sometimes I wonder if we have forgotten its importance. And finding joy in learning how to do something new, especially when it isn’t for your own selfish desires or forced upon you via a job. Remember when you first learned how to write? Or color? Or play? Me neither, that was like…so long ago.

What about things you’ve learned as a grown ass adult? You know, things like learning that your 90 year old grandma could release her bowels at any given moment. Or that her rigid schedule of eating, peeing and sleeping could somehow, someway provide you with some sense of peace. And purpose. And remind you how powerful a single memory could be.

My grandma is far gone due to her late stage Alzheimer’s. But when I left my family’s house this month (after helping my mom take care of both grandparents for the last 6 weeks) and I was telling her goodbye, she looked straight into my eyes and with fierce determination, using every ounce of memory and energy she had, she said “Mira, que bonita,” - look, how beautiful.

I cried. I MEAN WOULDN’T YOU?! I hold in my tears a lot when I’m around my grandparents, because they remind me of so much. Because they have this weird way of seeing me, truly and deeply, but mostly because their very existence is a miracle. Achieving your 90s is no small feat, and I reminded of that every time we speak. My grandpa has these bursts of poetic wisdom he unleashes at the most precise moments. But he can also be a straight up nag. My grandma still melts hearts within seconds of meeting her. But she’ll also scratch the living sh*t out of you, just cause. I am reminded how rich I am with the amount of knowledge and wisdom I have access to. Not only from my grandparents but from everyone around me that I consider to have a real connection with. From group chats to Facetimes, I learned that we all have these gold nuggets and precious gems of wisdom to bestow on those we love and who love us unconditionally, and we don’t bestow them often. I learned not to be stingy with my learnings because you never know who you are saving. Or who is saving you from yourself. Sometimes all it takes is 25 year old to tell you, “You inspire me, elder.” Ok I added the elder part. Or for people to miss your absence, your energy. Because even though you’re too exhausted to answer, sometimes it’s just nice to know.

But if 2020 taught me anything, in order to learn the most important lessons you will probably ever really need, sometimes you just gotta live.

And today, I choose to be grateful for learning that.